I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
