and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
