Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just cut my nipple shaving
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
