If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
