check it out our google latitudes are spooning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
