My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
