We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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