you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
