Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
