after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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