I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
