he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
