$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
