Define "chronic" masturbator.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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