He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
