he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dear god my vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
