Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
