Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
