Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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