I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
