Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
