and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
