Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize