Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
