my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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