ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
