Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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