I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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