if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
