Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
