So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
