no, he came in my armpit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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