you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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