We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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