I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
