My room smells like vodka and shame
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
