What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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