I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
