LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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