i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
