U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
