If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
