Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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