Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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