Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
