Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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