Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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