My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
