"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
