How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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