Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
