I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
