Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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