He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
