I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
